Alfred's Restaurant - 807 William Hilton Parkway, Hilton Head, SC

It pains me to do this.  It really does.  And here’s why...a hoity toity chef friend of mine, who has every single qualification, basis, grounds, raison d’etre to be very critical of his contemporaries, rarely is (I have only heard him utter one disparaging opinion about an eatery).  His reason being “They’re just trying to make a living and it’s a hard slog.”  I was taken a back at that since I expected there to be intense competition amongst chefs; scrutinizing every little aspect of a rival’s restaurant looking for any tiny crack in the establishment sniffing out anything that was rotten.  So keeping all that in mind, this is what I have to say. 

Alfred has been around for a long time.  He’ s been known on the Island for his sauces.  Terri absolutely adored her Roasted Chilean Sea Bass over mashed potatoes, fresh spinach with a chardonnay sauce. 

Chilean Sea Bass

Mic’s escargots were tender, velvety and not over powered by too much garlic.  When he FINALLY got the bread to mop up the rest of the sauce, well, he was satisfied and happy with his first course choice. 

 For those of us (being me and David) who had never visited Alfred’s when we FINALLY (see the trend?) were given the menu, we were able to see all that was offered.  The choices were varied, but not overwhelming, pretty straight forward, something for everyone without being fussy. When the Maitre d’ FINALLY got around to taking our order, he did so churlishly (pen tapping with a “come on” attitude). When he FINALLY remembered to fill our wine glasses, he dripped wine all over the table.  When we asked for another bottle, he stood there brandishing it and announced;  “I’ll just pour.”  Not a hint of an offer to taste it or even one clean glass.

 I went with the grilled veal chop special with a mushroom demi glace.  Now I’m not being snobby, but he didn’t even ask me how I would like my veal cooked... “Chef’s temperature?” I suggested since the look I got (both hands on hips now with an eye roll) was something of a cross between I didn’t hear you and how dare you speak to me.  I was told that it came out medium “what do you expect?” and that was pretty much that.  The veal chop was cooked on the rare side of medium, which I did end up asking for and almost flipped the guy the bird (but decided to write this instead with the blessings from my dinner partners). 

So, our entrees came.  Mic ordered the halibut special with a potato crust.  David selected the sea bass based on Terri’s rave review...but wait only three dishes came out along with the proclamation from our maitre d’ that “I forgot to place his order,” pointing one of his fifteen pens in David’s face (hand still on hip and no apology).  “It will be out in three minutes, you guys can start,” he said while waving his pen at the rest of the table... No kidding!  We all looked at each other and proceeded to feed David “tapas” from our plates.

 David’s sea bass did come out in three minutes and was returned to the kithchen for another six to eight.  When it came back, it was the same piece of fish, re-plated, and still no apology. 

 It’s a tiny restaurant seating about forty and on the bland side.  Tables basic, chairs bog standard, nothing comfy at all. 

Now, based on where I was sitting I saw our imbecile of a waiter knocking back a brewsky then using the towel slung over his shoulder to wipe his mouth then bald head.  A sight like that makes one’s mind wander...and not in a pleasant direction.

I’m not saying our plates weren’t cleaned by the time we were finished.  The portions were healthy without being gluttonous.  Having said that, the salads we had as starters were thrown on the plate, not long on presentation or inspiration, Terri and I had the Gorgonzola and Spring Mix, David the Beefsteak Tomato and Fresh Mozzarella and Basil.

I guess if you’re known for your sauces and German favorites, you can overlook a few lettuce leaves?  The waiter on the other hand?  I don’t think so.  I’ll never set foot in the place again. 

To sum it up, if you go, Alfred’s is a Pray Eat Leave kind of place.   Pray you don’t get the imbecilic, rude, boorish ass that we did.  Eat what’s known to be consistent food, then Leave!

P.S. Mr. Congeniality didn’t even offer to take David’s meal off our bill...not a sniff of remorse simply a condescending smirky smile when we left.  I actually begged the boys to leave an insulting tip if one at all.